I was so excited for board training; it was this afternoon from 4:30-6:00pm. The waves were big and an on shore wind was causing rough conditions that were also causing bluebottles to wash up on the shoreline. When I arrived at training we were all sent out in the corner of the beach and were told to paddle down the beach to where we were going to be training. Massive sets were rolling in and we all caught massive waves into the beach. As we were paddling in and out doing a couple of paddling drills from the beach a massive set wave hit us when we were all paddling out, as it was massive, the biggest wave of the day everyone let go of there boards, and since we don’t have leg ropes all of the boards flew into the beach dinging and cracking each other. When we had all finally swam in to the beach we all ran to our boards to see what condition they were in and if any damage had been caused. Mine and the coaches’ daughter Harriett were the only two boards that had smashed together and dinged each other’s boards. My board and Harriett’s boards were stuck together with my fin going into the middle of her board and making a massive whole in the bright green fiberglass surface. Her board was completely damaged and had to be taken to the ding repair the next day whilst mine was only a slight scraping to the fin, which didn’t make a difference to my board and hasn’t had to be repaired for the past two years. As training was cancelled due to the board dinging incident I ran home straight away and started crying on the way there because I was upset about dinging Harriett’s board. When I was running past the surf club my coach screamed out to me in an angry tone, Bella you must be careful of your board and not let it out of your sight or else you will cause danger to a person next time. These lines Brucie my coach had said to me made me even more upset and sent me running home as fast as my legs could take me so he wouldn’t be able to say another nasty word to me. When I arrived home I explained the whole situation to my parents, my dad sent an apology to Brucie and Brucie rang my Dad back explaining that he had only said those mean words to me because he had had an argument with the man parked next to him just before he had seen me about being too close to each others cars. I felt a lot happier once Brucie had explained why he was so annoyed at me.
This was in the under 11’s age group and now two years on every time I see Harriett’s board around the club house or being paddled I see the repairing of the ding in bright blue a completely different colour to her green board.
Well done Bella. A well written response on the whole that describes your surfing experiences effectively. However, this is more of a recount than a narrative.
ReplyDeleteYou must use paragraphs to organise your ideas. It is hard to read huge blocks of writing without separate paragraphs that indicate shifts in ideas or settings.
Use speech marks to indicate dialogue.
Spelling and punctuation sound overall. Very well done!