Sunday, March 6, 2011

The boat and the burger-Johnathan Christianos

The boat and the burger

I was driven out to a house, this house was old, decrepit and falling apart. This house had been modified only slightly, but just enough to keep it together and intact. It was a familiar house I would always have memories of, but those memories were wiped and replaced. Everything the same except the owner, my great-grandmother, she had moved to a different house and then left the house to her grandson, my father.

I was there so many times with my dad as the owner I can’t even imagine anyone other than my dad living their, but I can imagine someone else living there with him.
One night, I walked to my father’s from my grandma’s. For a seven-year old to walk three eighths of a kilometre to your father’s house only to bang on the door and scream so hard that I may have taken my last breath. Even though I tried my hardest for them to hear me outside they, but they paid no attention. After twenty minutes thankfully my grandmother two houses over heard me and took me back to her house and let me sleep there for the night. Apparently everyone at my dad’s played music so loud that they couldn’t hear me when in fact I could hear no music not even a word or a tune. Every time I asked, “how could you not hear me when Yaiyai heard me easily?”, they would always reply with, “we couldn’t hear you because of the music. We played loud music all night.”

The next day my dad said something I longed to hear from him which was, “who wants to go on the boat today?”, I was so excited I thought he wouldn’t let us go on the boat. As my brother, father and I all walked down toward the boat shed I realised that my father brought along a friend to accompany us on our fishing trip as we had bait, rods and lures we didn’t do much as we only sat there in mild contemplation of what we would have been doing if we didn’t go on this trip, then suddenly out of nowhere most of us have a fish fighting for the food on the end of this line, but we were too rested to fight and strive to obtain the fish and cook it.

When we got back I saw my sister in a state of melancholy or so I thought, turns out she was only listening to music and was only looking depressed and bored. After my dad settled back into doing nothing in his house he decided to take us out for lunch. I thought we would be going to the food court in a shopping centre, but turns out we went to a little burger place that my dad knew very well and said, “mm yes have the works burger very good mm.”, so following his advice I ordered the works burger. The burger looked great but using the sight out of the corner of my eye I could see something red bulging out of the side, so I took apart the burger and found parts of it being very unpleasant towards my tastebuds so I picked out the stuff I didn’t want and put my burger, with the items I picked to stay in the burger’s structure and took one bite and… I had tasted heaven.
Now every time I go to my father’s I always beg and plead for another burger from “Paul’s famous hamburgers, the burgers of your dreams”

1 comment:

  1. Well done. Some amusing and well written passages in this narrative. However, you should work on characters. Describe their appearances and personalities more to add depth to your story. You need a stronger climax for this narrative too.

    Some problems with use of capitals and lack of full stops. Watch your use of tenses. Avoid switching from past to present as this sounds clumsy. Some minor problems with spelling too, eg there and their.

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