Monday, March 7, 2011

task 2 seth gabrielsson

the beach castle by seth gabrielsson
joe and i sat there, in the blazing sand, thinking about what we had just saw. It was a scorcher that day, every one was down there, it almost felt like the whole town. but me and joe were unaware of the heat, or the populated beach, because we had just spotted an amazing thing. on the very edge of the cliffside, a place no one dared to go because of the ridiculous climb up, was a sort of castle made of rock completely camouflaged to the world except to us. This fort looked like a perfect place to hide away from our amazingly large family. there’s Grampa, Gran, my mom and dad, my two older siblings, my mums sister and her husband plus their three sons, joe the youngest of them, My mums other sister and her two children aged 17 and 15, and my mums third sister with her son Sammy who is 19. me and joe are cousins and the youngest of them all. both of us are 8. 
we told our parents we were going for a walk set off. asking our oldest cousin sammy if he would like to come, because he is the bravest and craziest of all our family. he came and we reached the bottom of the cliff looking at the ascent ahead.
“ i think the climb is too heavy.” i said nervously.
“Not if you know a secret way.” sammy said with a grin “ive been here once before and i’ll show you a way i’m sure know one else has discovered.”
We looked at him excitedly
“ Here, follow me.” and then without hesitation he jumped off the rock and into the sea.
We gave each other looks of uncertainty, and then we jumped.
we met sammy at the bottom and he pointed to a tunnel with a little light at the end. Both of us confident swimmers we glided through the dark tunnel, only looking ahead. We came out in this beautiful  rock cavern, with only a little hole at the top to fill the room with eerie  sky blue water. we climbed up the walls of the cavern and found our way out. we were at the ‘castle’. 
we gasped and sammy laughed. it was like our own house with an amazing view of the beach.
“ the weird thing about this place is you cant see it from the beach unless you know what you’re looking for. You and joe are very lucky.” sammy said, looking around
“ Yeah i thought it looked cool but i didn’t think any one could climb the cliff face.” said joe
“its impossible”
“You promise not to tell any one about this place right?” sammy said sternly looking at us both. We agreed and decided for this to be our place when we go to the the beach. our little hide away, our secret castle.

1 comment:

  1. Well done Seth. Some good descriptive moments in this story, eg the blue water in the cavern. More of these moments are needed to make this story work. Provide more information about the characters' appearance and personalities. Build towards a stronger climax in this narrative.

    Some problems with grammar, eg "We had just saw". Problems also with use of capitals and punctuation.

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